101 Ways to Avoid the Housework
...that is what I actually should have called the new blog. I haveit down to an art form. Important projects rear their heads, visitors appear out of nowhere, a child needs taken to the park, it seems the world conspires to stop us living in a tidy space. Of course, sometimes I may actively conspire to get out of cleaning. I can't reveal all of my secrets because a certain husband reads the blog, but Friday's example is the best so far.
For Christmas, I asked for and received a block printing kit from Kev. Since then, it has sat on a shelf with my Printing by Hand book looking at me. Begging me to make a stamp. I have been very hesitant because I have no ability to draw anything and stamp making seemed so permanent - what has been scraped and dug out cannot be refilled.
However, Friday morning I realised I was in need of wrapping paper and after blogging and drinking copious amounts of coffee required by my 4am awakening (yes, I get up at that time every morning), I decided to seize the moment.
I hauled the kit down, searched the internet because I'd lost the instructions and began carving. Half way through, the boys joined me for breakfast.
"There are some crafts you shouldn't do," Kevin said the instant he saw what I was doing.
"What do you mean? No. It'll be fine"
"I'm not taking you to the Emergency room" He replied.
"You don't even drive, so it will be a taxi that takes me to the emergency room, if I need it. Which I won't"
In a perfect "I told you so" manner, I proceeded to stab myself 4 times with the lino cutter. Once was so deep on the pad of my left index finger I heard a crunch and felt a bit sick and light-headed.
Kev just shook his head, helped me with my bandages and gave me a number of sympathetic but knowing looks.
"Well, you bought it for me." I replied
"Because you asked for it"
"So, it doesn't matter, I can still sue"
"You can't and you won't. Why don't you let me do it. Many artists hire people to carry out the dangerous work for them"
"Stamping is not dangerous." I proceeded to insist that I do it. While I can no longer remember the specific reasoning, the reality is that I am at least as stubborn as mules and 2 year olds, and could not bear to have someone else finish MY project. I managed to only graze myself once more.
My stamp even turned out OK. I didn't like the block printing ink and am going to try and find some other inks this weekend. I also invested £1 in some erasers to do a bit more stamp carving in a softer material.
The upshot? I can not do the dishes or any other cleaning or cooking activity that requires the use of my left hand where acids or pressure may be involved. Interestingly, all the bits I use for crochet remain unscathed. I am hoping it takes all weekend to heal.
However, the saddest bit is that I don't even need elaborate ruses. Kev actually told me the other day that he'd prefer it if I crafted than cleaned because I am in a better mood when I craft. Isn't he grand?